How Could This Happen To Me?
by ReddistheRose
Summary: Jean and Scott have grown closer over the last few months, but is the pain of his past to much for him to share even with her? What will Jean find in the recesses of his traumatized memories? (One shot songfic, very much a Jott ficie!)


Scott smiled, breathing in the soft smell of her hair. He brushed the stray piece of hair blocking her beautiful eyes.

"Scott?"

His heart jumped at the sound of her voice. Melodious and kind, it was the voice of an angel.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember the day your powers emerged?"

He grimaced. It was painful to talk about his past. Although he had found his brother, the pain of his loss had only slightly diminished over the years.

"Yes. Some- most of it."

She shifted position, lifting her head from his shoulder to peer into his face. How he wished she could look into his eyes, see the love he felt for her there. He turned slightly, avoiding her gaze. He was ashamed, saddened that he could never be the perfect man she deserved. He fought the feelings of inadequacy often, and never so much when she was near.

She softly reached for him, lightly brushing his chin back into facing her once more.

"Scott, will you- Will you tell me?"

He paused. There were few things they had not shared, few things not discussed between them. He had learned about her fears, her dreams, and she of his. Yet, the pain of his tragic loss he had left closed to her. He didn't want her to feel any pain, not even his.

Yet, she looked at him still. All the years of playful banter, guarded feelings, and denied flirting had finally come to something different over the course of the summer. With their feelings finally exposed, they had grown closer during the last few months than they ever had. Deeper than a crush, deeper than boyfriend and girlfriend, they had become truly inseparable in mind and in body. They were in love, for better or for worse, and Scott knew that he would never want to be without her. He also knew that to grow, they each had to give and take. Today was his turn to give, painful though it would be.

He took her hands, placing them upon his temples.

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

She took a short breath. She knew was this meant to him, how painful this was. Yet, he was allowing her into the most sacred and holy of his belongings; his thoughts, his memories, his very heart was open to her.

She was speechless.

The mind, as she had come to learn over the years, is never a logical, articulate place. Thoughts and feelings were not open to read as a book, but often times felt as colors, sounds, and smells. What would she find?

She felt her heart leap as she closed her eyes.

She felt first only the sensation of fear.

The flash of lighting accompanied by the roar of thunder besieged her, joined soon by the scream of a child. She felt the sickly smell of terror as she turned to she the whiteness of his face. The older one, joined by a hand to the younger, screamed again.

Then the sensation of falling, the horrible uncertainty of death or life, pulled her into a swirling vortex of fear.

Then the ripping, pulling, tearing of one hand from another. The loss of a brother, the fear of another's death as the pressure of a thousand feet trampling her underneath stole her breath.

Thesoft sound of a song swirled around her as the deep red color of his thoughts engulfed her.

Then there was quiet, except for the song caressing her.

_I open my eyes_

_I try to see but I'm _

_Blinded by the white light_

The voices around her mumbled as she lifted her head, one with Scott's body now. She heard a voice, not her own, cry out from the body that contained her. The pain, strangelyphysical, rushed through her with every move of the body.

But the emotional surrounded her now, enclosing her in a tomb of rushing, disquieting thoughts.

_I can't remember how_

_I can't remember why_

_I'm lyin' here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain_

_And I can't make it go away_

_No, I can't stand the pain_

She screamed., pounding on the door of sorrow before her.

_How could this happen to me?_

_I've made my mistakes_

_Got no where to run_

_The night goes on as_

_I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me?_

Then, slowly, she rose above it, shutting behind her. It fell down into the depths of the crimson swirling around her on all sides. Dashing to pieces, it vanished.

She raised her hand to her face. The deep chasm of a scar rumbled over her features. It reminded her of something- some pain- some feeling- but she couldn't feel it now.

A rush of a new fear overcame her now.

_Everybody's screamin' _

_I try to make a sound but_

_No one hears me_

The disgusting smell of screams filled the space between her and nothingness. The soft caressing crimson red that had befriended her now turned to blood, strangling her into blank and empty thought. The rush of color and death poured from her eyes. The smell of death surrounded her, then only black, inky darkness.

_I'm slippin off the edge_

_I'm hangin by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold_

_Onto a time when _

_Nothin mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't _

_Erase the thing that I done _

_No I can't _

She awoke moments- years- seconds later. She tried to rise, finding her body held by something. Fighting and twisting, she struggled against the iron clad fear that held her down.

She opened her eyes, finding nothing.

_How could this happen to me?_

_I've made my mistakes_

_Got no where to run_

_The night goes on as_

_I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me?_

She lowered her head, giving up to the blackness. It pushed and pulled her, tauntingly willing her to turnto anger. She turned her head, rejecting the rage creeping up upon her.

_I've made my mistakes_

_Got no where to run_

_The night goes on as_

_I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me?_

Then she was free. The iron grip dissolved away, releasing her into a freefall over bright red.

She waited for the sickly feeling of fear and pain. None came.

The walls that spun by her turned once more to crimson, and the plunge that she was undertaking embraced her. She felt the comfort of everything and nothing, the familiar touch of kindness and hope.

Then a final emotion overcame her.

The crimson red sheets of time surrounded her, pulling her into the peaceful slumber of love.

She removed her mind slowly from his own.

He took a breath.

"Scott…" She leaned into him once more. He welcomed her into his arms, and they lay in silence as the clouds watched.

"Scott, I love you so much." Tears welled in her eyes as she felt his arms around her. Those arms that held her, she knew, would always hold her. The depth of love that had eased his pain and taken her in; she would never be able to explain to another. Words, sounds, even a touch could never share the intensity of the feeling she had shared within him.

And she knew that she felt the same.

He brushed a tear aside. She had finally seen what he could never had said, not in any poem, not in any caress. And she had left behind in his heart what could only be described in imperfect words as a kiss. The kiss of love, acceptance, understanding.

Mind, body, and soul, she was all he would ever want or need.

-End

Afterward

And as the years went by, we continued to hold each other close.

"For better or for worse", the words we uttered as I stood in lace, and he in crimson red, could never had described the love we felt. Others would try, but never would understand the depth of oneness we felt.

When he died, a part of me died with him.

But when I look into the eyes of our children, and our grandchildren, I know I will never be alone. There will always be part of him in them. In me.


End file.
